So new beginnings – yeah? Sure let’s do this. It’s 2019 and all night on New Year’s Eve I was proclaiming what a terrible year this was and how excited I was for it to be gone. Now, here we are on the third day of 2019 and I feel my ethos on 2018 has changed.
While I’m sitting here in the new year, I have been going through my archive on Instagram and through all of my memories of 2018. This past year was actually a great year for me. Though it had a lot of struggles, the good times over shadow the bad. I lost my job, got a new career, left a relationship for good, got a beautiful dog who I haven’t killed yet, visited a new place, saw my family a ton, went to Martha’s Vineyard 4 times, drove all over the place with Lexus, and I had a great time with my friends while doing it.
Something about remembering all of these good memories made me realize how important it is to congratulate yourself. I have a really hard time accepting compliments or love from others a lot of the time. So when it comes down to taking it from myself, I struggle even harder. When people comment on how amazing it seems I’m doing, I try to squander that success by telling them all of the things they don’t see in my day to day. But, you know what? I should be fucking proud of my accomplishments. I should recognize that I did a lot of things in 2018 and it made me a better person.
This year, my biggest resolution is to remember this feeling. To stop apologizing for my actions. To stop minimizing my successes and to start and share them more. To be more proud. Ideally, 2019 will be the year that gets taken care of but I’m more realistic than that. I know that this will take years to deal with and that 2019 just might be the start.
That being said, I’ve always struggled with my self confidence since I left high school. Somehow, high school was where my confidence really flourished. Perhaps it’s because I had abs without having to work out, or maybe it’s because I didn’t understand the harsh reality of the real world, or maybe it’s because I had a really great family who always believed in me. Anyway, my self confidence levels have been lower than they have in my past and I’ll be dammed it I don’t try to change that this year.
I’d love to go to have the “perfect” body, become vegan, be more organized, stop drinking alcohol, be better with money, find a new hobby, meditate, and a whole slew of things…but that’s not all going to happen at once…I might die if I try it all at once. My point here is, I want to get better – for me!
A friend, Christina Caradona (or as most of you may know her, @troprouge) posted on her story that she’s doing a dry January and trying to go to the gym at least once a day. So…I’m going to try that, but I’m going to drink…just not a lot. I’m going to try going to the gym once a day and try to get a personal trainer this month and see what the fuck I can do about getting into some more decent shape. We’ll see how this goes, but hopefully this is something I can stick to. Starting today.
Perhaps this will make me feel better emotionally, physically, and it can be a path toward working on a brighter future for myself. Anyway – the point of this post is for me to remember that life isn’t just one day or one week or one year. It’s an ongoing journey of bullshit, happiness, and acceptance. I’m starting to just get the hang of that fact and this year I’m going to stick to remembering that. And I’m going to enjoy it.
What are you doing this 2019? or rather what are your resolutions for 2019?